The Walking Dead Teaches Us How To Live Through A Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Infestation.


Avoid humans. In the show, man is the worst monster. That much is clear. Zombies are frightening, of course. But if there’s anything to take from this series, it’s that humans are scarier, so that last hollow-point will be better spent in your  next and likely fortuitous encounter with a non-dead human being. It’s funny because you’d think that in a post-apocalyptic zombie-infested world, people would be delighted to see other survivors. But, no, they wouldn’t — or at least, they wouldn’t once they’ve been sufficiently educated through experience in just how much more monstrous, compared to the undead, humans can be. In fact, in the show, our group of protagonists can often be seen stoically hacking away at advancing hordes of zombies as though it were just another day at the office, while other humans are, with good reason, almost always met with fear and suspicion, as though the mere sight of them does little more than herald the arrival of circumstances profoundly unpleasant.

For dispatching Zombies, there’s more utility and fun to be had in a Samurai sword. Like what was implied a moment ago, save your bullets for humans, and find a Samurai sword, perhaps even make one if you can, to keep the undead at bay. Hacking off whole limbs of marauding zombies with every individual swing of the sword just seems like loads of fun. And for added fun: pretend to be a ninja and scream “ha-iya!” while you’re at it.

Avoid bridges, as they provide zero lateral escape routes. Whenever principal characters of the show cross a bridge, we almost immediately see them flanked from both ends by zombies who are closing in. The cliche also always commences at some point when our protagonists find themselves at the center of the bridge. Whatever your thoughts on the realism of that may be, what’s clear is that bridges — like a good number of places, actually — have the potential to be death traps.

Hundreds if not thousands of zombies always manage to appear in cities or relatively obscure towns that previously housed only a handful of people. It’s ridiculous. They’re everywhere. It’s either the producers of the show wantonly sacrificed believability for drama, or there must be unforseen causal forces at work, of which we’ll never know, that permits this odd phenomenon. Whatever the case may be, it’s clear that inordinate amounts of zombies can and will be found where you least expect them.

When the optimum number of people in your tribe has been reached, and unless you were masochistic enough to enjoy nannying the weak, take in no one else, because, like we learn from the show, the piggybacking of the untested on your survival expedition will be one of the leading causes of unintentional zombification.

Walking is better. Vehicles seem to be supernaturally predisposed to break down right smack in the middle of areas where big numbers of zombies lie in wait, ready to pounce. And people inside vehicles likewise seem supernaturally predisposed to not notice the undead closing in until such time that they are already banging at the windows in ridiculous numbers.

People who claim to be on some special mission, or who insist that there exists some sanctuary where survivors regularly gather around a campfire and sing auld lang syne, should, for the sake of the more impressionable, be met with not just dismissal, but outright derision. No such mission or sanctuary probably exists. And any effort to find out would likely be costly.

Lastly, law enforcement can scarcely be trusted, if they can even be said to be trustworthy under normal (read: zombie-less) circumstances at all. It’s a cynical generalization, I know, but that’s generally the case where I’m from, and the only time I see they can be trusted is when our interests happen to be alligned. Rick, one of the main characters, seems to be the exception here, but rationally, if someone is already used to taking advantage of people under nomal conditions, then they’ll be inordinately inclined to do so when the very possibility of being held accountable for anything flies out the window.


Posted on November 22, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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