Whining About Facebook Whiners.

One thing about facebook that is particularly annoying is when people post –without the slightest bit of hesitation– short and tediously hortatory tirades about things nobody really cares about. Sure, some people will click the ‘like’ button, or will offer a cheerleading comment or two, egging for you to keep going. But, really, for the most part, nobody cares. Nobody cares about that stranger for whom your mini-diatribe was dedicated, and for what he did — which you’ve laboriously laid out in detail– that’s irked you so much.

You’ve got to be a special kind of narcissist to truly believe anyone actually gives two turds about the fleeting and inconsequential banalities that annoy you during the day. Any sufficiently civilized individual isn’t going to be bobbing his head in approval over your pompous and sermonizing verbal attacks on people who aren’t in the least bit interesting insofar as they’re existence isn’t of any considerable import to the lives of anyone else.

I’m reminded of this one time when a friend (no longer in my friends list) wrote, as her status update, a substantially long invective about some cash registrar who kept asking her questions about her credit card. I was tempted to respond with “cry me a frigging river.” The only thing she was able to achieve with that snotty castigation is a reduced estimation of her by those friends of hers who fell at the higher end of the intelligence bell curve. If you have to whine about someone, or about how bad you *felt* about some situation, you could at least be pithy about it.

What’s worse than the facebook whiner is the incessant facebook whiner. Really, are you so depressed and is your life so mundane that you have to compensate by whining about everything and be telling everyone about it? That peevish snivelling, as you really ought to know, is only succeeding in making you look like a sanctimonious prick who needs to be unfriended like the conspicuous, pus-filled anal wart that you are.

What’s worse than an incessant facebook whiner? The grammatically challenged, incessant facebook whiner. Seriously, educate yourself before making  mindless declamations. The fact that your harangue is a bit more difficult to understand makes it, to that slight extent, more annoying. Although it may on occasion give people a good laugh at your expense, if done too much, it will take everything they have not to pepper spray you in the face.

Bottomline: if it’s anything that will not profit anyone in any conceivable way, then it’s likely better left unsaid.

(I know, this is also a diatribe. But this is also a blog, so it doesn’t count. So shut up.)

Why We Hate Twilight, And Find It Fun In So Doing.

Erika Christakis, in her article for Time, writes that Twilight-haters are harsh bigots.

Erika Christakis doesn’t get it, actually. It’s not that “female fantasy is derided and feared” at all; it’s that this particular “fantasy” incorporates the sort of vapidness that appeals to, shall we say, the more sophomoric segment of the population.

There’s no denying that the movie is horrible by any respectable metric. The dialogue is senselessly asinine; how anyone can stomach more of Edward Cullen’s ridiculously overly amorous one-liners like “Last night was the best night of my existence” or “Let’s start with forever” is seriously mind-boggling. I mean, that kind of drivel should be all well and fine if laid out with a bit more parsimony. It’s been overdone. After those previous Twilight movies where Edward Cullen mouths off like a preternatural Don Juan, while sporting the expression of someone who’s going through labor, it’s now become vomit-inducing.

Taylor Lautner is a terrible actor. That guy has one expression. Maybe 2. He, rather laughably, turns into a wolf who’s as badass as a Teletubby. (Why didn’t they make them like the wolves in Underworld? Those were badass.) I’d rather squeeze Taylor’s wolf cheeks for being so cute than run away. The best thing about him in this movie is that he didn’t take his shirt off as much as he did in the last one. Sure, there’s a market for that kind of crap, but it slightly tells you this guy doesn’t have much going for him, acting-wise.

Bella, played by Kristen Stewart, is as dull as a doorknob. This fact further demonstrates the illogic of the movie; it isn’t clear to me how a vampire –or any rational agent for that matter– who’s ostensibly been able to live long enough to know a couple things, could take a liking for this sullenly ill-humored girl, who’s only slightly more entertaining to look at than paint drying.

The whole concept of vampires sparkling in the sun is awful. It’s really dumb. Why the author of this series thought this idea made any sense is beyond me. Calling the idea of sparkling vampires cheesy and corny is to be unfair to all the things in history those words were used to describe, putting them well below where anyone would’ve taken them.

The intermittent camera play on the handsomeness of the 2 lead male characters –while visually pleasing for 13-yr-olds– seems worthy of ridicule as it summarizes the whole fantasy quite succinctly; 2 charming, good-looking and unrealistically anti-sexual young men falling head-over-heels for an average girl who’s hot in some not unreachable way.

Don’t get me wrong. If you dig all that, then that’s fine. But, people rightly deride this movie for being the kind of paltry tripe that appeals to girls’ base fantasies in much the same way a movie about bikini-clad ninjas doing work more fitting for seal-team-six would to the fantasies of their male counterparts.